This particular book has become my "purse book". I only end up reading it when I am somewhere not at home and need something to occupy my time. Thus, it has taken me longer than usual to read through. A couple of weeks ago (but only 50 pages ago...) I read a paragraph that got me thinking. It also affirmed and verbalized something I have been trying to pin-point in my existence for quite some time now...It begins to explain the reason I do what I do.
"It makes you feel that as a parent the most important thing you can do is love your kids, hold them and tell them you love them, because until we get to heaven, all we can do is hold our palms over the wounds. I mean, if a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or tough, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and they won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is no coincidence that Jesus talks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love."
I am not a parent, but I am a teacher. More than that, though, I love kids. I love kids who are loved. I love kids who are not loved. I love the lovable and the unlovable. Sometimes I wonder why it is that I am able to do so. So many people find it so difficult to be around 3 year olds or 9 year olds or 13 year olds or 17 year olds, let alone actually enjoy it. So what makes me different? The more I think about this, the only conclusion I can come to is that I can love because He loved me first. I don't always completely understand the unconditional love of Christ, but I know that I know, way down deep in my knower that I am loved. And how can I not live that love out? I have seen and known too many people (kids and adults alike) who don't know they are loved. What happens is that they go searching for that love in ways that only backfire.
I know that God gives me the relationships I have with others, especially with kids, because He has equipped me with LOVE. It's not easy to like people all the time. But I discovered something in myself today as I was sitting at a table at Starbucks observing the people around me. I love people. I really do!! In fact, my life wouldn't be worth living without people.
Here's what I am finally beginning to understand: When I live out the life God give me to live, He makes sure that I am fully equipped and supplied. In high school, I did a whole heck of a lot of mentoring 5th-8th graders. When all was said and done, I had over 2,000 hours of community service logged! Yet somehow I managed to have a really well-rounded academic and social life that I look back on with little regrets. In college I got a job as a tutor with the Boys and Girls Club. I put in a few months of hanging out with and teaching a slew of little kids who spent more time at school and the club than at home with their own families. In the end, I got paid no money because the guy in charge of the tutoring company got into a whole lot of legal trouble and ran out of money. Yet somehow, I didn't end up on the streets or starving. After college I taught at a school for two years, during which time I made below-poverty-level wages. That didn't seem to matter much, though, because the relationships I made with my students and their families and the truths that I was able to teach to my beautiful kids reached beyond this world. Now, I'm teaching at a preschool. I am surrounded by 3 year olds every day. I never thought I would be doing what I am doing, but I am. And every day I understand a little bit more why. It's not because I am a professional at teaching preschoolers skills that they will need to function for the rest of their lives. It's not because I like to sing the ABC's and read picture books and play with play-dough (though I actually really do like those things...). It's because when Hayden wakes up from his nap and cries because he needs to be held, I can hold him. It's because when Ashley gets crushed when someone tells her she isn't her friend, I can help her talk to the other kid and work it out. It's because when Hannah needs a hug, I can be there to give it. It's because when my fellow teachers are stressed or tired or discouraged, I can offer them a little joy, even with just a smile.
I won't be a preschool teacher forever. I won't probably spend more than 2 or 3 more years at this particular school. I will, however, be there for kids. Somehow, somewhere, God will always be putting kids dead-center in my life. That makes me happy. God loves me. God loves kids. I love God because He loves me. I love kids because God loves kids. It's not every day I realize how aligned those concepts are. Today I do.
God's 2 most important Commandments: Love God. Love people.
That's the reason I do what I do.
