...and it's only Wednesday...

This is perhaps one of the most difficult weeks I have ever had, and it's only Wednesday! Monday I was told I don't have a job at LCS next year. I cried a lot that afternoon and went to bed with a nasty headache.
Tuesday was rough b/c I was trying to focus on the day...not the circumstances that lie ahead of me...Searching for a job scares me. I am trying to be hopeful about it all, but it's still scary.
Today, things were much better emotionally, but at the end of the day, I was being productive and taking some things off the wall in the hall. I was standing on a mini chair on my way down from a desk I had been standing on. Not a minute before, I had a premonition of sorts... I actually thought to myself how terrible it would be to fall off the desk/chair and sprain my ankle. (When I think about things that are terrible, I usually don't anticipate them actually happening b/c I ruin the surprise factor by thinking of them before they happen. That's always been the way my "magical thinking" has worked. Well, the magic ran out today.) I stepped wrong off of the chair and went down hard on my ankle. I heard it pop, and knew that was not a good sign... I hobbled into my room, fighting nausea and blacking out (seriously!! I'm not even exaggerating here!!). Just then, my little Madi from last year popped in to say hi. I sent her to get an ice pack, and having her around to talk to for a few minutes helped me to not get sick over it. When she left, I knew it was definitely sprained... So my darling little brother came and picked me up and bought me Advil, a Slurpee, and a frozen pizza for the night... And now I am keeping it elevated with ice. I'm sure it's not broken, but it's not going to be better in the morning...
*Sigh* And it's only Wednesday...What's next?

P.S. I would like to shake the hand of the person who created FMyLife.com. It helps put one's own problems into a whole new perspective!! You should really check it out, if nothing else, for the cheap laughs. :o) http://FMyLife.com

a question...

I saw a picture of a baby today. The baby was not cute. In fact, she was about as far from cute as I have ever seen... This made me wonder... Do parents with not-cute kids know their kids are not cute?
I am so grateful that the two babies in my life right now are beyond cute. Thank you, Karen and Emily, for giving birth to beautiful little girls!!

To win, one has to play...

My palms were sweaty...
My knees were weak...
My heart was racing a mile a minute...
My breath came short and fast...
My brain couldn't think clearly...
I knew was in for trouble...

No, I did not fall in love. That would have been too wonderful.

I was staring at yet another bank notice email: ISF Notice!!! AGAIN?! I thought I already went through this last month! And I just got paid yesterday! "How could this be?!" I wondered aloud to myself. It took everything in me to go to my online bank statement and face the impending doom that awaited me...
I hate this feeling. I am out of control with my finances, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. Sure, there's the obvious: keep track of my spending, and stick to a budget. Why can I not seem to grasp that habit and stick to it for more than a day? I was never trained properly to scrimp and save. I know how to shop sales and am getting better and better at not splurging and buying on impulse. I just can't seem to maintain a balance in my bank account that shows I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I have more bills to pay than I can even count right now, and I don't even know where to start.
So...here I was...looking at my account balance... But wait! What is this?! I'm not seeing negative symbols here in my checking account... At a closer look, it appeared to me that my savings account was $9.70 in the negative thanks to a service fee!! What THAT is all about, I would like to know... But, hey! At least this is fixable with a little transfer from my POSITIVE checking account.
On the optimistic side, at least I am not completely screwed again this month. And maybe this is another wake up call that I need. It's time to grow up. It's time to face the truth. It's time to start saving and planning for a more secure future where I'm not constantly afraid of checking my account balance for fear of that negative sign.
Any suggestions?
Or better yet, let's pray I win the lotto. Of course to do that, one has to play... Darn.