Recently the actress Rashida Jones (The Office and Parks and Rec) released a statement saying that she believes the institution of marriage is a failed one and that, perhaps, a new model for relationships is in the future. "Things are changing so much. Especially [in] this country, we have kind of failed with marriage," said Jones. "We're so protective of this really sacred but failed institution. There's got to be a new model. I don't know what it is, but maybe it's like ten years with a lease to buy or rent to own."
She might have a point here. I do believe marriage is a very sacred institution, but here in America we have begun to devalue its worth. Divorce rates are at an all-time high. According to Enrichment Journal on the Divorce Rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. Prenuptial agreements are being signed by people of any and every economic status. People find future-spouses on reality TV shows, but few people expect their relationships to actually succeed. Media focus tends to stay on the unfaithful, drama-filled, and failure-ridden relationships. Rarely does a story come from the existing positive examples of marriage.
It’s no secret that marriage takes work. Life is not all bunnies and butterflies. There are times in every relationship when the going gets tough. Those are the times when couples who are serious about their marriage take it to the next level and make it work. Luke and Donna, my grandparents, were married in 1952. They had four children, owned their own business, and were well-known and well-liked in their community. They were married for 53 years before Luke passed away. Donna has said that her marriage wasn’t always easy; and it certainly was never perfect. They entered into marriage knowing the seriousness of their love and vows, ‘Til death do us part. Through war, sickness, losing a business, financial struggles, death of family members, and numerous other trials that come with life, Luke and Donna knew that giving up was not an option. Their children continue that legacy of love in their own marriages. Many of their grandchildren have followed suit, as well. Their marriage is a shining example to all those who witnessed it that the institution of marriage is so much more than meets the eye and worth every bit of effort it takes!
In today’s society, so much emphasis is put on the wedding itself. Focus is on the dress, the flowers, the music, the venue… Think about the time, energy, and resources spent on The Big Day, leaving the rest of the new couple’s life together just waiting in the wings. Imagine if the same amount of attention were given to the marriage itself! I wonder if the statistics would change. I wonder if people would be less afraid of the work it takes to have a successful marriage. I wonder if the “institution of marriage” would be less of a “failure” in our society.
Research has shown that married people report more overall satisfaction and contentment with their lives. Married people enjoy more satisfaction in their sex lives than other couples, whether cohabitating or simply dating. This isn’t meant to suggest that marriage will cure all of our problems or meet all of our needs, but marriage is definitely an institution that has value!
I am not married, but I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by many great examples of marriages that are not failing, and that are, in fact, succeeding! I know that if I ever find myself considering marriage with a potential spouse, I can go into that decision knowing that it is not something to be taken lightly. I can see that marriage takes a lot of work, and I can also see that the benefits of that are well worth it!
I don’t believe marriage needs a new model. Instead, the mindset for marriage should be honored, respected, and entered into seriously. If more emphasis was given to the positive examples and outcomes of marriage in our world, perhaps the institution wouldn’t be considered such a failure. There are principles we can learn by valuing what marriage involves, as it can serve to teach us what we gain from a lifelong monogamous intimate relationship.