A brighter perspective...

For the past month and a half I have been in a funk. Losing my job, spraining my ankle, and feeling fat have really made me spiral into a cycle of a certain depression. I know I'm not depressed to the point of needing medical help. It's more like being stuck in a dead-end road with no room to turn around and no rear-view mirror to help make reversing possible. I have felt like circumstances were so out of my control that I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Sadly, I haven't been in the place where I "let go" of the control; rather, the control I thought I had suddenly has fallen through my fingers like water. I have felt unlike myself in every aspect of my self. My mind, will, and emotions are not "me". My spirit is dry. My body feels like crap. All that adds up to me not quite being ME. Where has the JOY gone?
But here's the thing...Now that I have been able to vocalize it and realize what is going on with me, I have felt a certain freedom in knowing that I feel this way and can accept that it won't kill me. Things are gradually getting better, too. My ankle isn't so injured any more. That means I can work out almost as I used to. I had a job interview yesterday. That gave me a little hope that I just might have a new job by the end of this summer. Things are slowly turning around for me...
A good friend of mine says, "Happiness depends on happenings. Joy depends on Jesus." I have always appreciated that statement; but lately that has become truth to me. I have to look beyond circumstances for wholeness and Joy. So that is what I have been attempting to do. I have a little list that I have started that I would like to call my Joy List. I know I will continue to add to it because Jesus just keeps showing me more truth whenever I seek it.
Joy List:
Beautiful roses in gardens all over town.
Flowering trees.
Petey.
Friends who pray for me and encourage me, especially when I don't even ask for it.
Hard work.
Alpacas.
Watching my brother play baseball.
Cracking up about nothing and everything with my sister.
Morning sunshine.
The few days a month I wake up with little or no blemishes on my face.
Laughter.
Harry Potter books.
Pretty eye shadow.
Having lunch with friends.
Long walks in the afternoon.
Delicious desserts.
Pink toenail polish.
Teens who have decided to make positive life choices and hold others accountable to it, too. Yay STARS!!
My beautiful niece Charlotte and all the amazingness that she embodies.
Squirrels.
The dress I get to wear for Heather's wedding.

I am going to keep adding to this list because just writing it is making me understand how much beauty, hope, and joy God has for me. Things might not always be perfect, but things aren't so bad, really...