My Thoughts on Abstinence Education...



Abstinence centered education goes beyond teaching teens the physical aspect of human sexuality. Accurate abstinence centered education teaches teens the healthy way to have relationships by teaching them about the human sex drive, what it is all about, and how it can be managed in a healthy and positive way, without having sex.

Most teens know when adults have low-expectations of them. Why set the bar so low for teens by telling them that adults don’t believe that they have self-control and self-respect? By telling teens that their only logical choice for maintaining “healthy sexuality” is to “protect themselves” with contraceptives, adults are actually telling them, “We don’t trust that you can make healthy decisions for yourself.”

Practicing abstinence doesn’t mean that the human sex drive goes away. Practicing abstinence allows teens to have relationships that are built on trust, self-control, respect, and responsibility. Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. It is also an excellent way to avoid confusing love and lust for teens who are new to falling in love and the emotions they experience.

When it comes to alcohol, drugs, violence, tobacco and all other high risk behaviors we ask teens to say no, why would we even hesitate to take the same approach with sex? It is a fantasy to believe that we can give teens contraceptives and expect them to remain “protected” until they are mature enough to commit to a long-term relationship. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases are extremely high in teens in the US. Giving teens the facts and allowing them to make informed decisions by giving them the information and tools to maintain healthy relationships without having sex is the only fair way to go about promoting health and happiness in their lives.

I know that teaching teens the truth about sex through abstinence centered education does, in fact, do that, because I was one of those teens who practiced abstinence who is now a successful and healthy adult living a full, disease-fee, and happy life. I believe in our youth. I believe they have so much more to live for than sex. Abstinence centered education sets the bar high and gives teens something to reach for.

http://friendsfirstinc.blogspot.com/

Take the Golden Rule and Make it go Platinum!



We hear throughout our lives, “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” This is usually referred to as The Golden Rule. The idea behind it is to encourage us to consider how we would like to be respected and then respect others accordingly. There is a lot to be said for this “rule” of life. In fact, most of us would not have made it through kindergarten without knowing it!

What if we took this rule to a whole new level? What if we tried to apply a different version of this rule to those around us? What if we took the Golden Rule and made it go Platinum?

The Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way they would like to be treated.” So, what’s the difference? The Golden Rule is “me” centered. How often do we hear about teens being selfish, only caring about their needs first? The Platinum Rule takes us from a self-centered mindset (“How would I like to be treated?”) into a new mindset focused on the other person first (“How would he/she like to be treated?”). Just like the Golden Rule, the Platinum Rule can be applied to any relationship: parents, friends, teachers, siblings, and even the random person on the street!

I would like to challenge you and me to step away from our self-centered perspectives for just a week, try the Platinum Rule, and see how it works. Think about the other person first. Consider how he or she would like to be treated and give it a try. I think we will probably find that the rule will catch on and soon be applied back at us…Think about how that could look in our daily lives!

http://friendsfirstinc.blogspot.com/

The Reason I Do What I Do...

I'm reading a really great book right now. It's called Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. For a long, long time now I have been told how amazing Mr. Miller is as a writer. Only just recently have a realized how true that really is. (If you haven't read his books, you should. Yes, Jenn and Kristy, I'm hopping on your Donald Miller Train!!)
This particular book has become my "purse book". I only end up reading it when I am somewhere not at home and need something to occupy my time. Thus, it has taken me longer than usual to read through. A couple of weeks ago (but only 50 pages ago...) I read a paragraph that got me thinking. It also affirmed and verbalized something I have been trying to pin-point in my existence for quite some time now...It begins to explain the reason I do what I do.

"It makes you feel that as a parent the most important thing you can do is love your kids, hold them and tell them you love them, because until we get to heaven, all we can do is hold our palms over the wounds. I mean, if a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or tough, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and they won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is no coincidence that Jesus talks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love."

I am not a parent, but I am a teacher. More than that, though, I love kids. I love kids who are loved. I love kids who are not loved. I love the lovable and the unlovable. Sometimes I wonder why it is that I am able to do so. So many people find it so difficult to be around 3 year olds or 9 year olds or 13 year olds or 17 year olds, let alone actually enjoy it. So what makes me different? The more I think about this, the only conclusion I can come to is that I can love because He loved me first. I don't always completely understand the unconditional love of Christ, but I know that I know, way down deep in my knower that I am loved. And how can I not live that love out? I have seen and known too many people (kids and adults alike) who don't know they are loved. What happens is that they go searching for that love in ways that only backfire.
I know that God gives me the relationships I have with others, especially with kids, because He has equipped me with LOVE. It's not easy to like people all the time. But I discovered something in myself today as I was sitting at a table at Starbucks observing the people around me. I love people. I really do!! In fact, my life wouldn't be worth living without people.
Here's what I am finally beginning to understand: When I live out the life God give me to live, He makes sure that I am fully equipped and supplied. In high school, I did a whole heck of a lot of mentoring 5th-8th graders. When all was said and done, I had over 2,000 hours of community service logged! Yet somehow I managed to have a really well-rounded academic and social life that I look back on with little regrets. In college I got a job as a tutor with the Boys and Girls Club. I put in a few months of hanging out with and teaching a slew of little kids who spent more time at school and the club than at home with their own families. In the end, I got paid no money because the guy in charge of the tutoring company got into a whole lot of legal trouble and ran out of money. Yet somehow, I didn't end up on the streets or starving. After college I taught at a school for two years, during which time I made below-poverty-level wages. That didn't seem to matter much, though, because the relationships I made with my students and their families and the truths that I was able to teach to my beautiful kids reached beyond this world. Now, I'm teaching at a preschool. I am surrounded by 3 year olds every day. I never thought I would be doing what I am doing, but I am. And every day I understand a little bit more why. It's not because I am a professional at teaching preschoolers skills that they will need to function for the rest of their lives. It's not because I like to sing the ABC's and read picture books and play with play-dough (though I actually really do like those things...). It's because when Hayden wakes up from his nap and cries because he needs to be held, I can hold him. It's because when Ashley gets crushed when someone tells her she isn't her friend, I can help her talk to the other kid and work it out. It's because when Hannah needs a hug, I can be there to give it. It's because when my fellow teachers are stressed or tired or discouraged, I can offer them a little joy, even with just a smile.
I won't be a preschool teacher forever. I won't probably spend more than 2 or 3 more years at this particular school. I will, however, be there for kids. Somehow, somewhere, God will always be putting kids dead-center in my life. That makes me happy. God loves me. God loves kids. I love God because He loves me. I love kids because God loves kids. It's not every day I realize how aligned those concepts are. Today I do.
God's 2 most important Commandments: Love God. Love people.
That's the reason I do what I do.

Does it ever get easier...?

I know I haven't blogged in a long time, and I hate to begin again with such a glum tone...But sometimes it can't be helped...
Over the past 9 or 10 days I have been really missing my late Grandpa Heckman and Grandma Farrenkopf. I have been very fortunate to have not lost many people close to me in my life. But the ones I have lost have been very special people.
My Grandpa Farrenkopf passed away over 7 years ago. That was sad and a rough time for my family to get through, but as for me, I was rather distracted with my new life in college and mourned him relatively quickly and well.
My Great Grandma Shinaut passed away about a year and a half after that. I mourned her and was able to move on.
Just over two years ago my Grandpa Heckman passed away. This one was a lot harder to go through. Maybe it was beacause he had such a slow and painful death. Maybe it was because I had a closer relationship with him. Maybe it was because I didn't get a chance to really tell him goodbye. But whatever it was, I still am working out mourning him. There are times I am reminded of him and randomly start crying. Being at his house this Thanksgiving and watching old home videos of him have just brought it all back to the surface again. I miss him so very much.
This past summer my Grandma Farrenkopf passed away. During the first few weeks after her death I was sad, but mostly I just rejoiced that she was free from pain and now partying with Jesus. Since then, though, the missing-Grandma sadness has begun to set in. I will think about sending her a card or going to visit her, and then it hits me hard: she's not here anymore. Seeing her pictures, even as recently taken as June, make it that much harder for me to accept. It just really sucks missing my grandma this much.
So my question is this: Does it ever get easier? Will this pain of missing Grandpa Heckman and Grandma Farrenkopf ever go away? I know Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." I guess it's just hard for me to completely surrender the pain to Him. Part of me feels like if I give it up completely, I will start to forget them. I don't want to do that. So what do I do? How do I get through this with dignity and grace? I have a hard time letting myself struggle emotionally. I have it in my head that I should be happy and have it together. I need to be the strong one, letting others mourn while I am their shoulder to cry on. Now I need that shoulder, but I'm not very good at asking for it.
I'm a work in progress. I guess I always will be. Good thing I'm not alone, I guess.

Last Monday Emily and I went to the radio station for a birthday party for the afternoon DJ. We had pizza and cake, sang happy birthday, met some fun people, and got to even talk on the radio!! :o) I didn't realize the difficult job that DJs actually have! They deal with a lot of technology, editing, and staying on schedule so things go smoothly on air. Turns out, I could not be a DJ, not just because I don't have a voice for radio. I would get too distracted and not be able to stay on task most of the time, I'm pretty sure... It was a great experience. And doing it with my sister made it even more amazing!! :o)

So, I am starting to think about next year and what I want to do in regards to teaching. Ultimately I still want to do high school. But an opportunity has come up that I am having a hard time passing up. There is a chance that I could go teach for a year in a little Christian school in Taiwan. My good friend Jessica went last year to teach for a few months after she graduated from college. She is getting married in February, and she and her husband are hoping to go back next August so Jess can teach and Terry can take some college classes. I am thinking about going with them... Jessica mentioned that I would likely get a job quite easily based on my "teaching in a Christian school" experience. Cost of living is really low there, so most of what I would make could be saved and used to help get me out of this hole of debt I can't seem to quite get out of... The experience would be amazing! The hardest part would be being away from Charlotte, Petey, and the rest of my family and friends for so long... But if I don't take this opportunity now, chances are I'll never get it again! So, if you are reading this and want to offer a prayer for me, pray that I will know how to go about this. I want to do what is right. I think I really want to go!

Hey! I have written two blogs in less than two weeks!! That is amazing! Maybe I'll get a third one done in the next few days!! :o)

birthdays, weddings, and more.....

This past Friday I turned 26. That's 4 years from 30. Whoa. If I think about it that way, it freaks me out a little bit. However, I'm taking it as it comes and am very grateful for every day. In a little reflection time, I came to the conclusion that I am living a life at this age that I never would have imagined I would be living. If I were asked when I was about 10 where I would be and what I would be doing when I was 26, I am certain I would have said, "I will have at least 1 kid, will have been married for a few years, and will be living in a house with a white picket fence." (Come to think of it, I would have been living Karen's life!! ;o) hehehe...Just kidding, Karen....) Instead, I'm teaching at a preschool, have zero kids (which is totally OK with me, btw), have no prospects for a boyfriend let alone a husband, and rent an old house with two wonderful friends... And to be perfectly honest, I couldn't imagine it any other way right now!! Good thing my 10-year old self didn't have ultimate control of my current life!! :o) It just proves to me yet again that GOD knows best, and I have absolutely no clue about anything, as it turns out... :o)

I went to a wedding yesterday. It might have been one of the most incredible wedding experiences I have ever had in my entire life! The couple is my roomie's brother and his new wife. They are so obviously in love... The impression I got from this wedding was that they were having a wedding and reception not for the tradition and formality but for the simple fact that their highest desire was to honor God, each other, and their friends and family by displaying the beauty of their love with a fantastic celebration! Yes, the event was fancy, sparkly, magical, and thrilling... But I took so much more away from that wedding than just about any other I have ever been to or in (and if you know me, you know that has been quite a few.........). I was shown joy in its purest form in the way Dan and Jami looked at each other. I was blessed by the way guests were honored and appreciated. I was brought to tears by the "wedding favor" for the guests: a large donation in our name to an orphanage in Belize. I'm not going to lie...I am becoming more and more jaded when it comes to weddings and all they seem to be about. This beautiful ceremony and celebration gave me a little hope...It is possible to do a wedding without completely destorting the beauty of marriage and true love. Ahhh...my inner hopeless romantic feels pretty happy today...

Tomorrow my sister got me and herself invited to a "birthday party" at 92.5 The Wolf's radio station. It's the afternoon show guy's birthday, and he is throwing himself a party with people who have birthdays around his. I get to leave work early tomorrow to go to it! I have no idea what to expect, but it should be fun. I'm excited to hang out with Emily. Perhaps I shall blog about my experience another day... Also, if you're in the Denver area, tune in to 92.5 around 4:00, and maybe you'll hear me talking to you!

One more thing... I got to chat with Karen for a while today, which made me really happy. I love that woman so very much. :o) She told me I was in trouble because I haven't been very consistent with my blogging lately. Her sweet Grandma Ruth reads our blogs and requested that we write more often. So, Grandma Ruth, I want to apologize and let you know that I will try to do better. :o)

Ok. That is all for now...
Have a wonderful week! :o)

Snapshot of Perfection

My inner poet decided to step out and say hello last week. It was inspired by my preschoolers... Enjoy!! :o)

"Snapshot of Perfection"

Verdant hills
Soft valleys for landing
Superstars-in-their-own-eyes kids

Sparkling eyes beaming life:
Lived.
Being Lived.
Yet to Live.

Bubbling laughter
Piercing shrieks
The occasional cry of unjustness

Friends
Holding hands
Taking toys
Sharing memories, if just for today.

Teacher sits
above them,
among them,
with them.
Watching.
Caring.
Smiling.

"Look what I can do!" they implore.
A floppy cartwheel
A clumsy somersault
"Watch me!" they insist.
A wiggle and a twist
A roll down the hill
To many it's impressive.
Some are sure they can do more.

Teacher knows something beyond
this moment,
these tricks,
the incredible feats.

It is just as it should be:
A joy, a blessing,
A snapshot of perfection
When all is well.

And as the superstars grow
Teacher knows
The best is yet to be.