Mission Statement

The following is a mission statement I wrote nine years ago. I found it in some things I was going through following my move. I guess what strikes me the most is that it is something that I still believe, still hold true, still hope to live by...

First, to be a woman of integrity, seeing what is right and wrong and always choosing the right.
To be a woman of honor, choosing to do what is right, not because I should but because I want to.
To greet each day with a curiousness and boldness to seek out the truth and know it.
To experience every moment with the newness of a child's love, the sweetness and joy of young love, and the respect and reverence of mature love.
To always wear a cheerful countenance and to greet everyone with a smile, because sometimes a smile is all someone needs to keep them going.
To be to peaceful for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too joyful to permit troubles.
Finally, to give all I have and am to educate, encourage, and lead children, peers, and daily contacts in the way that is acceptable and right.

Marriage: A Failed Institution?

Recently the actress Rashida Jones (The Office and Parks and Rec) released a statement saying that she believes the institution of marriage is a failed one and that, perhaps, a new model for relationships is in the future. "Things are changing so much. Especially [in] this country, we have kind of failed with marriage," said Jones. "We're so protective of this really sacred but failed institution. There's got to be a new model. I don't know what it is, but maybe it's like ten years with a lease to buy or rent to own."

She might have a point here. I do believe marriage is a very sacred institution, but here in America we have begun to devalue its worth. Divorce rates are at an all-time high. According to Enrichment Journal on the Divorce Rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. Prenuptial agreements are being signed by people of any and every economic status. People find future-spouses on reality TV shows, but few people expect their relationships to actually succeed. Media focus tends to stay on the unfaithful, drama-filled, and failure-ridden relationships. Rarely does a story come from the existing positive examples of marriage.

It’s no secret that marriage takes work. Life is not all bunnies and butterflies. There are times in every relationship when the going gets tough. Those are the times when couples who are serious about their marriage take it to the next level and make it work. Luke and Donna, my grandparents, were married in 1952. They had four children, owned their own business, and were well-known and well-liked in their community. They were married for 53 years before Luke passed away. Donna has said that her marriage wasn’t always easy; and it certainly was never perfect. They entered into marriage knowing the seriousness of their love and vows, ‘Til death do us part. Through war, sickness, losing a business, financial struggles, death of family members, and numerous other trials that come with life, Luke and Donna knew that giving up was not an option. Their children continue that legacy of love in their own marriages. Many of their grandchildren have followed suit, as well. Their marriage is a shining example to all those who witnessed it that the institution of marriage is so much more than meets the eye and worth every bit of effort it takes!

In today’s society, so much emphasis is put on the wedding itself. Focus is on the dress, the flowers, the music, the venue… Think about the time, energy, and resources spent on The Big Day, leaving the rest of the new couple’s life together just waiting in the wings. Imagine if the same amount of attention were given to the marriage itself! I wonder if the statistics would change. I wonder if people would be less afraid of the work it takes to have a successful marriage. I wonder if the “institution of marriage” would be less of a “failure” in our society.

Research has shown that married people report more overall satisfaction and contentment with their lives. Married people enjoy more satisfaction in their sex lives than other couples, whether cohabitating or simply dating. This isn’t meant to suggest that marriage will cure all of our problems or meet all of our needs, but marriage is definitely an institution that has value!

I am not married, but I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by many great examples of marriages that are not failing, and that are, in fact, succeeding! I know that if I ever find myself considering marriage with a potential spouse, I can go into that decision knowing that it is not something to be taken lightly. I can see that marriage takes a lot of work, and I can also see that the benefits of that are well worth it!

I don’t believe marriage needs a new model. Instead, the mindset for marriage should be honored, respected, and entered into seriously. If more emphasis was given to the positive examples and outcomes of marriage in our world, perhaps the institution wouldn’t be considered such a failure. There are principles we can learn by valuing what marriage involves, as it can serve to teach us what we gain from a lifelong monogamous intimate relationship.

The Power of Words

Whatever you put in comes out. It’s a statement that can be literal or figurative. Think about it: You eat food. What happens a little later in the day? It comes out. You listen to your teacher’s lessons and/or study enough, and the info comes back out on the test. You hear a song on the radio, it gets stuck in your head, and then you sing it because it can’t be helped.

You are told you are stupid, hopeless, and not worth it. If you hear it enough you will believe that is true. You believe it because you have no other truth to cling to. Your behavior starts to reflect the beliefs of others about you. You don’t try to aim high or set goals because you haven’t been given the tools to reach them, anyway. Why even try?

Sound familiar?

Has anyone ever told you something positive about yourself? You are smart, full of potential, and worth every bit of the life you have been given. If you hear it enough you will believe that is true. You believe it because that is the only truth to cling to. You can aim high and so you do. You set goals for your future because you know you have one.

As an adult, teacher, and mentor, I have come to know the power of words and the effects they have on the lives of youth. I am a role model who is looked to as an example by so many people from ages 2-22! I know that what I say to someone can either make a day or completely ruin it. I think about my 2 year old niece Charlotte and how my presence in her life is something she truly desires because I take the time to talk to her, read to her, encourage her, and love her. From the day she was born I have made an effort to tell her she is beautiful and smart and worthy of love. And though she is only two, I can already tell she gets it and believes it.

My friend Tyrell has told me time and time again how much my encouragement has given him strength and courage to chase after the dreams that so many others were quick to put down. He comes from a hometown that does not offer very much hope for young men like him. His family loves him but often has a non-expressive way of showing it. He was led to believe he would never leave his hometown, never have a chance to grow, never be allowed to dream. He could have easily given in to the discouragement he grew up around, but he was given enough hope from positive friends and mentors he chose to surround himself with that he began to believe the truth about himself. He graduated high school and chose to go to a university over a thousand miles away from home. He is well on the road to achieving his goals in a positive future!

What are you telling others to believe about themselves? What are you being told about yourself? It has been said that “words have the power of life and death.” Choose to bring a little bit of life to those around you by using encouraging and positive words. Robert Collier, a motivational author, said it well when he stated, “Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.”

REST

I wish I could say I wrote this poem, but I certainly did not...It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read, though. I think I would like this read at my funeral someday...

"Rest"

By Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)

O EARTH, lie heavily upon her eyes;

Seal her sweet eyes weary of watching, Earth;

Lie close around her; leave no room for mirth

With its harsh laughter, nor for sound of sighs.

She hath no questions, she hath no replies,

Hush'd in and curtain'd with a blessed dearth

Of all that irk'd her from the hour of birth;

With stillness that is almost Paradise.

Darkness more clear than noonday holdeth her,

Silence more musical than any song;

Even her very heart has ceased to stir:

Until the morning of Eternity

Her rest shall not begin nor end, but be;

And when she wakes she will not think it long.

My Thoughts on Abstinence Education...



Abstinence centered education goes beyond teaching teens the physical aspect of human sexuality. Accurate abstinence centered education teaches teens the healthy way to have relationships by teaching them about the human sex drive, what it is all about, and how it can be managed in a healthy and positive way, without having sex.

Most teens know when adults have low-expectations of them. Why set the bar so low for teens by telling them that adults don’t believe that they have self-control and self-respect? By telling teens that their only logical choice for maintaining “healthy sexuality” is to “protect themselves” with contraceptives, adults are actually telling them, “We don’t trust that you can make healthy decisions for yourself.”

Practicing abstinence doesn’t mean that the human sex drive goes away. Practicing abstinence allows teens to have relationships that are built on trust, self-control, respect, and responsibility. Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. It is also an excellent way to avoid confusing love and lust for teens who are new to falling in love and the emotions they experience.

When it comes to alcohol, drugs, violence, tobacco and all other high risk behaviors we ask teens to say no, why would we even hesitate to take the same approach with sex? It is a fantasy to believe that we can give teens contraceptives and expect them to remain “protected” until they are mature enough to commit to a long-term relationship. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases are extremely high in teens in the US. Giving teens the facts and allowing them to make informed decisions by giving them the information and tools to maintain healthy relationships without having sex is the only fair way to go about promoting health and happiness in their lives.

I know that teaching teens the truth about sex through abstinence centered education does, in fact, do that, because I was one of those teens who practiced abstinence who is now a successful and healthy adult living a full, disease-fee, and happy life. I believe in our youth. I believe they have so much more to live for than sex. Abstinence centered education sets the bar high and gives teens something to reach for.

http://friendsfirstinc.blogspot.com/

Take the Golden Rule and Make it go Platinum!



We hear throughout our lives, “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” This is usually referred to as The Golden Rule. The idea behind it is to encourage us to consider how we would like to be respected and then respect others accordingly. There is a lot to be said for this “rule” of life. In fact, most of us would not have made it through kindergarten without knowing it!

What if we took this rule to a whole new level? What if we tried to apply a different version of this rule to those around us? What if we took the Golden Rule and made it go Platinum?

The Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way they would like to be treated.” So, what’s the difference? The Golden Rule is “me” centered. How often do we hear about teens being selfish, only caring about their needs first? The Platinum Rule takes us from a self-centered mindset (“How would I like to be treated?”) into a new mindset focused on the other person first (“How would he/she like to be treated?”). Just like the Golden Rule, the Platinum Rule can be applied to any relationship: parents, friends, teachers, siblings, and even the random person on the street!

I would like to challenge you and me to step away from our self-centered perspectives for just a week, try the Platinum Rule, and see how it works. Think about the other person first. Consider how he or she would like to be treated and give it a try. I think we will probably find that the rule will catch on and soon be applied back at us…Think about how that could look in our daily lives!

http://friendsfirstinc.blogspot.com/

The Reason I Do What I Do...

I'm reading a really great book right now. It's called Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. For a long, long time now I have been told how amazing Mr. Miller is as a writer. Only just recently have a realized how true that really is. (If you haven't read his books, you should. Yes, Jenn and Kristy, I'm hopping on your Donald Miller Train!!)
This particular book has become my "purse book". I only end up reading it when I am somewhere not at home and need something to occupy my time. Thus, it has taken me longer than usual to read through. A couple of weeks ago (but only 50 pages ago...) I read a paragraph that got me thinking. It also affirmed and verbalized something I have been trying to pin-point in my existence for quite some time now...It begins to explain the reason I do what I do.

"It makes you feel that as a parent the most important thing you can do is love your kids, hold them and tell them you love them, because until we get to heaven, all we can do is hold our palms over the wounds. I mean, if a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or tough, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and they won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is no coincidence that Jesus talks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love."

I am not a parent, but I am a teacher. More than that, though, I love kids. I love kids who are loved. I love kids who are not loved. I love the lovable and the unlovable. Sometimes I wonder why it is that I am able to do so. So many people find it so difficult to be around 3 year olds or 9 year olds or 13 year olds or 17 year olds, let alone actually enjoy it. So what makes me different? The more I think about this, the only conclusion I can come to is that I can love because He loved me first. I don't always completely understand the unconditional love of Christ, but I know that I know, way down deep in my knower that I am loved. And how can I not live that love out? I have seen and known too many people (kids and adults alike) who don't know they are loved. What happens is that they go searching for that love in ways that only backfire.
I know that God gives me the relationships I have with others, especially with kids, because He has equipped me with LOVE. It's not easy to like people all the time. But I discovered something in myself today as I was sitting at a table at Starbucks observing the people around me. I love people. I really do!! In fact, my life wouldn't be worth living without people.
Here's what I am finally beginning to understand: When I live out the life God give me to live, He makes sure that I am fully equipped and supplied. In high school, I did a whole heck of a lot of mentoring 5th-8th graders. When all was said and done, I had over 2,000 hours of community service logged! Yet somehow I managed to have a really well-rounded academic and social life that I look back on with little regrets. In college I got a job as a tutor with the Boys and Girls Club. I put in a few months of hanging out with and teaching a slew of little kids who spent more time at school and the club than at home with their own families. In the end, I got paid no money because the guy in charge of the tutoring company got into a whole lot of legal trouble and ran out of money. Yet somehow, I didn't end up on the streets or starving. After college I taught at a school for two years, during which time I made below-poverty-level wages. That didn't seem to matter much, though, because the relationships I made with my students and their families and the truths that I was able to teach to my beautiful kids reached beyond this world. Now, I'm teaching at a preschool. I am surrounded by 3 year olds every day. I never thought I would be doing what I am doing, but I am. And every day I understand a little bit more why. It's not because I am a professional at teaching preschoolers skills that they will need to function for the rest of their lives. It's not because I like to sing the ABC's and read picture books and play with play-dough (though I actually really do like those things...). It's because when Hayden wakes up from his nap and cries because he needs to be held, I can hold him. It's because when Ashley gets crushed when someone tells her she isn't her friend, I can help her talk to the other kid and work it out. It's because when Hannah needs a hug, I can be there to give it. It's because when my fellow teachers are stressed or tired or discouraged, I can offer them a little joy, even with just a smile.
I won't be a preschool teacher forever. I won't probably spend more than 2 or 3 more years at this particular school. I will, however, be there for kids. Somehow, somewhere, God will always be putting kids dead-center in my life. That makes me happy. God loves me. God loves kids. I love God because He loves me. I love kids because God loves kids. It's not every day I realize how aligned those concepts are. Today I do.
God's 2 most important Commandments: Love God. Love people.
That's the reason I do what I do.